I Still Have A Feeling
by Blackcat509
Summary: 216/217 It's The End Of The World/As We Know It. I've only just started watching Grey's Anatomy and after far too little sleep and re-watching this episode way too many times this happened. What happened to Meredith in between the bomb exploding and Derek arriving at the house.


**I've never written a Grey's Anatomy fic before and I haven't written in a while but apparetnly when I don't sleep and I'm exhausted I write so here it is. I loved this two part episode and I wanted to know what happened in between the bomb exploding and Meredith getting home... so this happened!**

It's over. Finally over. The bomb's out of him and I'm not holding it any more. Dylan's carrying out of the OR and it's not in my hands anymore. But it's still there.

 _I have a feeling._

Taking the bomb out and handing it over should have ended it. The feeling should have gone. But it hasn't.

 _I still have a feeling. Like I might die today._

Against my better judgement I follow him out of the OR and into the hall, and I can feel Dr. Burke's curious gaze burning holes on my back but the feeling hasn't gone and now I have to know, you know. I have to see it through. I have to know. Dylan's' steps are smooth and even as he makes his way towards the his team mate and the disposal bin that should contain the explosion should it occur and in that moment I'm in awe of him. In a way we both do the same job. He saves lives by diffusing bombs, I save lives by cutting people open.

For an instant my gut knots and that feeling that's been with me all day floods through me at full strength and I know. I know what's going to happen and all I can do is watch.

Red mist. That's what the paramedic kept muttering before she pulled her hand out. Red mist. I have to wonder if she came to work this morning with the same feeling. Like she might die today. Or if Dylan and his bomb squad friends did.

I know it's going to explode and when it does, for a moment, just a moment, all I can see is two people exploding into nothing before the wave of air slams into me, throwing me down the hall with shattered glass and rubble and paper and red mist. I know my head bounces off of the floor and the lights flicker and go out above me, the glass raining down before my head slams onto the floor again with a final crack.

* * *

When the OR lights flicked both Christina, Derek and the scrub nurse looked up and then stared at the door as rubble clattered against it and the windows cracked and shattered and the one at the end exploded in.

"Find out what happened," Sheppard stuttered out, his voice cracked with emotion, hands shaking slightly where he's trying to replace Tuckers skull cap and when he looks to Christina he sees tears streaking down her cheeks. Nodding slightly, Christina strips of her gloves and gown and pulls her mask down.

"She'll be okay," she whispers, maybe to herself or maybe to comfort Derek, he isn't sure but when he the door pulls open and the destruction in the hall is visible, he can't help the tear that rolls down his cheek and onto his mask. _She better be okay._

* * *

Even after the door shut behind Christina, she couldn't move; could only take in the destruction in the hall. The ash streaking the walls, the blinds that had been blasted and now hung at angles, the fires burning licking the walls with orange, walls that were already tinged pink. And Burke's voice shouting out of the open OR door.

"Grey! Grey can you hear me? Meredith!" Heading over to the OR Christina let out a breath of relief when she saw her boyfriend was alive and well.

"Burke!"

"Christina," if the situation hadn't been as dire the look of shock on his face might have been funny, "I thought I told you to get out of here."

"I ignored you. Where's Meredith?"

"What?" he said as a look of utter confusion crossed his face.

"You were shouting for her. Where is she?"

"She followed the bomb guy."

"Shit," muttered Christina as she spun round and headed back into the hall. "Meredith, Meredith, where are you?" When nothing happened, no moan of pain, no whisper for help, Christina started pushing chairs and blinds and trolleys out of the way in an attempt to locate her friend. After kicking an overturned unit to the side and backtracking from where the bomb exploded she spotted a dusty, filthy trainer attached to leg in blue scrubs and her heart rockets and plummets at the same time. "Meredith." Kneeling at her side Christina takes in her friend, the filthy scrubs and gown, the bloodied gloves and the blood coating her face and staining her scrub cap. Turning to face the Burke's OR she shouts, "someone call down and get Izzy and George up here, now!"

"What's going on," Burke yelled back.

"Just do it." Returning her attention to Meredith, Christina pulled out a pen light and gently lifted Meredith's eyelids watching as her pupils shrunk down to pinpricks quickly and breathed out a sigh. Gently reaching behind her friends neck she untied the mask and threw it to the side just as Meredith started to come round.

"Stay still, stay still," she whispered when Meredith started to move slightly. "OK, can you wiggle your toes for me?" Christina asked, worried about possible spine injuries. When Meredith's trainers moved a few moments later she nodded and repeated over with her hands. "Good, okay, I'm going to help you sit up against the wall and then we're going to wait for George and Izzy." When she nodded Christina slid her hands under Meredith's shoulders and helped her to slide over to the wall, leaving a line on the floor clear of rubble. For a few minutes they just sat there, Christina keeping an eye on Meredith and Meredith lost staring into the distance.

* * *

When Izzy and George both reached the floor they gasped at the destruction and then went over to where Christina was beckoning them.

"Meredith." George said as he crouched down in front of her. When she ignored him he looked first at Izzy and then at Christina. "What happened to her. Is she okay?"

"I think so, just in shock. Help me get her to the locker room."

"Wait shouldn't we get her checked over. She could have a spinal injury, she could-" started George.

"I've already checked for that but right now we can't tell which blood is hers and which is..."

"The dead guys." Izzy finished for her. All Christina could do is nod.

"We need to get this flak jacket off her. Help me with it," Izzy moved next to Christina and reached down grasping Meredith's shoulder and when Christina had done the same began to gently pull her to her feet, bracing her weight on their shoulders. For a moment both women looked at George who looked back at them equally as lost, having never seen their usually strong friend so lost and vulnerable, before he reached forward and tugged the Velcro straps at each of her shoulders, repeating the motion at her waist until the jacket fell to the floor, then began shifting the larger rubble out of the way to make it easier for the group to reach the lift. In turn Izzy and Christina began walking Meredith forward in slow shuffling steps.

* * *

When the lift dinged just outside the locker rooms the three excited and steadily guided Meredith into the showers.

Izzy turned to George, "go tell the Chief what's happening, we'll get her cleaned up and then meet us in an exam room." He simply nodded and headed off towards the third floor. "How are we going to do this?" For a moment Christina looked blankly at Izzy before motioning for her to sit Meredith down on one of the benches.

"Go turn on one of the showers and then take off your shoes." Nodding Izzy headed over to and turned the dial till the water flowed warm and then bent down to pull her trainers of her feet and tossed them under the bench, watching as Christina pulled down some towels and then copied her movements. Returning to Meredith they both shared a worried glance at how she hadn't moved or spoken at all before pulling her shoes and socks off and throwing them under the bench. Once again taking her arms they grabbed a towel each and guided her into the shower, carefully turning her around. Both women took another moment and a deep breath.

"We're going to have to do this Izzy." All Izzy did was nod before beginning to untie Meredith's gown while Christina reached behind her and untied the scrub cap, pulling it off and letting Meredith's hair fall onto her shoulder.

"Lift her arms," Christina requested as she pulled of the surgical gloves dumping them on the floor of the shower and then began to work the elasticated sleeves of the gown off of Meredith's wrists, revealing a burn on her right forearm, and grimaced at the blood and dirt that covered it. Looking over Meredith's shoulder to Izzy, Christina nodded and together they helped her step back under the spray of the water, both women placing an arm against her back to hold her up before Izzy placed a hand on her forehead, tipping her head back and began washing the dirt and grime out of Meredith's hair. When her hair was soaked and clean they helped her take another step backwards, soaking themselves through and began washing the filth off her face, gently wiping her skin with the wet towels, watching as is swirled away down the drain, leaving angry red cuts and grazes peppering her face.

"We need to get these scrubs off her," Izzy commented, "she could have God knows how many injuries under them."

"Uh-huh, Meredith?" Christina asked gently earning nothing but a blank stare from her, "can you lift your arms?" When Meredith didn't move Christina looked over at Izzy who lifted Meredith's arms above her head while Christina pulled the shirt up and over, dropping the saturated top on the floor, before loosening the drawstring on her pants, sliding them down and off her hips so they pooled at her feet. Crouching down Izzy gently took hold of Meredith's calf and lifted her legs while Christina pulled the pants off her ankles, leaving her in a simple grey bra and knickers. Both women winced at the long, but shallow graze running along her lower back but were relieved to find no other injuries. "Pass me a clean towel."

"How did she get that?" Izzy asked as she stepped out of the shower and headed over to the bench to grab some more towels, leaving wet footprints on the floor.

"When the bomb exploded she would have been thrown across the corridor, she probably landed on some debris while she was moving."

"Oh God."

"We need to turn her around so we can clean it properly." Izzy nodded and gently placed both her hands on Meredith's shoulders so she was facing her and turning her so her back was to the door.

"This is full of grit," Christina commented as she gently rubbed the towel along the wound on her back. "Keep her still Izzy this is deep in a couple of places." Nodding Izzy kept hold of her shoulders and looked into Meredith's eyes concerned at her despondency.

"Meredith, Meredith can you hear me?" Izzy tried. When Meredith's eyes flicked to hers she tried again, "What ever happened up there it's not your fault. You kept that man alive," she said softly, "you did nothing wrong." For a moment they just looked at each other and then the first tear rolled down her cheek.

"They still died though," she whispered, as another tear rolled down her cheek, followed by another, then another. "Dylan and his team mate. They just exploded," she said followed by a choked sob.

"It's okay, your alright now," Izzy tried but Meredith's sobs continued until she was doubled over clutching her knees and crying her heart out. Conceding to the fact they were both drenched, Christina and Izzy sat on the shower floor with her and held her while she sobbed, gently talking to her, trying to calm her, comfort her in some way.

A while later there was a gentle knock on the shower room door and Adele's head appeared in the crack. Quickly taking in the scene she shouted something out behind her and came in, gathered some towels and came over to them. Reaching in and turning off the water, she passed a towel to Christina and Izzy in silence who wrapped them around themselves before taking the third towel and pulling it around Meredith.

"Come on. Let's get her dry and checked over," Adele said quietly, helping the women to stand before guiding them over to the benches.

"Stay with her a minute, I'll get us some dry scrubs." Izzy murmured before pushing her way out into the locker room.

"George and Richard had been waiting in an exam room for a while before they sent me to come and see what was happening," Adele said as she looked at Christina who still had her arms wrapped around a sobbing Meredith.

"She just broke down. I've never seen her like this," replied Christina quietly, looking up when Izzy came back with three pairs of clean scrubs.

"How do you want to do this, "Izzy asked, looking from Adele to Christina.

"You two go get dry, I'll help her," Adele said, carefully wrapping her arms around Meredith while Christina let her go and Izzy placed the scrubs on the bench before moving to begin pulling her own wet clothes off. Gently Adele threaded Meredith's arms through the sleeves on the top and then pulled it down and over her head, following a similar pattern with the pants and socks before tying on the trainers that were left under the bench. "It'll be alright now dear. Whatever happened, it's over now. Your going to be okay. Your friends are here for you," she said soothingly. Her sobs had quieted at last but their were still tears streaming down her face and her breaths were coming in shaky gasps. "Come on now dear, let's get you looked over and then you can go home." Nodding slightly, Meredith tried to stand but her legs struggled to support her weight and she would have fallen had it not been for Izzy and Christina catching her.

"Whoa. Can you even walk?" Christina questioned earning a weak glare from Meredith. "Come on. You can lean on us," she said, reaching down and looping her arm under Meredith's shoulder, Izzy copying her action before heading out of the locker room.

* * *

"They've been gone ages. How long does it take to have a shower?"

"Be patient Dr. O'Malley. If she was in as much as a mess as you say she was then it will take time. Besides Adele will have them here soon," the Chief reasoned nodding at the worried intern. When the door opened, revealing Meredith being supported by Christina and Izzy, George rushed over to help them, lifting Meredith onto the bed. For a moment he just took her in, the daughter of his mistress, seeing the tears running down her cheeks and the broken look in her eyes.

"How are you doing Dr. Grey?" asked the Chief, all Meredith did was nod.

"She has a burn to her right wrist, a laceration to her forehead and graze across her lower back Sir." Christina stated, earning a grateful nod.

"O'Malley, head down to the pharmacy and get these medications," he said, handing George a list before turning back to Meredith, "Okay lets deal with the burn first. Dr. Stevens can you pass me the antiseptic cream and a roll of gauze please." Thanking her when she passed him the equipment, Chief Webber gently smoothed the cream onto the damaged skin, earning a hiss of pain from his patient before he wrapped it in the gauze. "Butterfly stitches please," he asked turning to the cut across Meredith's eyebrow, gently pulling the edges together before pressing the strips to her skin, wiping some of her tears away in the process. Stepping back he smiled at her slightly before asking her to lie on her front as George re-entered the room, so he could examine her back. When Christina reached out and gently lifted her shirt from her back, George let out a gasp of surprise. Although now clean, the graze was an angry red and weeping slightly in some places. "This is going to hurt I'm afraid. Dr. Yang please can you pass me the antiseptic and some dressing pads please." Applying the cream to one of the gauze pads he began wiping it across the wound, watching as Christina and Izzy each took hold of a hand and George moved beside her head when Meredith flinched and let out a small whimper of pain. A few minutes later the wound was clean and dressed, the gauze pads securely taped to her back, and Izzy and Christina were walking Meredith to her car after instructions for them to take tomorrow off and look after her.

* * *

By the time Izzy pulled up outside their house, Meredith had cried herself to sleep on Christina's shoulder. Something Christina wasn't all too thrilled about but had endured because Meredith was her 'person'. Waking her they guided Meredith into the house and upstairs. "Get changed, I'll make some tea okay," Izzy instructed, pointing Meredith in the direction of the stairs while Christina followed, helping her change out of scrubs and into her own clothes and Izzy headed into the Kitchen. By the time Izzy stepped into Meredith's room she was curled under the quilt, wrapped in Christina's arms with tears rolling down her cheeks again.

"Hey it's okay. Do you want to talk?" When Meredith shook her head, Izzy nodded and climbed onto the bed next to her, wrapped her arms around her and let Meredith cry.

Just before she drifted off to sleep Meredith murmured, "It's gone now. I don't have that feeling anymore."

 **This went somewhere else entirely and I'm sorry if it's rubbish but maybe I can sleep now. Please be lovely and leave a review. Thanks for reading!**


End file.
